


Aki Vs. The Avengers

by sketzocase



Series: Baby Aki's guide to the marvel universe [2]
Category: Avengers (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kid Fic, Not Canon Compliant, kid! daken, no ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-21 21:56:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16584950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sketzocase/pseuds/sketzocase
Summary: Logan and Itsu have to go on vacation but someone got himself labeled a threat to national security. Sooooo... Logan's friends step in to help save his vacation.





	Aki Vs. The Avengers

**Author's Note:**

> This is part two of that series that Started with Venom. 
> 
> I was so good at writing kid Daken that I just thought I'd keep rolling with it.  
> The theme of the series is basically just a take on what if Daken hadn't been so traumatized and was raised by his dad and his mom along side the x-men and the other heroes of the marvel universe! 
> 
> It's complete crack. Follows no cannon. Is out of character. It's something I'm doing to lighten myself up between writing or all my heavy fics and I really hope you enjoy it!  
> (but keep in mind that it is crack and not take it seriously.) 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are always welcome!

**Logan’s POV**

“Thanks, Steve, really,” I say. “I could not find a single sitter to take him.”

It makes me a shit friend- but I'm going to leave off  _why_ I can't find a sitter for him. 

Steve smiles. “It’s no trouble at all Logan.” He crouches down in front of Aki. “We’re gonna have a great time- aren’t we little fella?”

Aki hides behind my legs.

“He uh… he’s not usually this shy.” I say. “Don’t know what’s come over him.”

“Wanna go with mommy.” Aki whines.

“Yea… well… you can’t because someone got kicked off the plane and labeled a threat to national security last time- remember?”

Aki pouts.

“So until we get that straightened out your gonna stay with Uncle Steve and his friends- got it?”

He nods.

“Thanks again, Steve. You really saved my ass.”

“We’re going to have a great time!” Steve says excitedly.

Aki looks up at me. “It’s okay, bud,” I say. “You’re safe here.”

He wanders out from behind me. “Can I throw your shield?” He asks.

Steve smiles. “Sure!”

I pat my young child’s head. “I’ll see you in three days- Aki.” I hold up three fingers. “Three days- okay?”

He nods.

“Love you.”

He holds up little rock fingers.

I sigh. “I don’t know what that means. You can’t just say ‘love you’?”

“I am.” He says.

“Okay... “ I turn to Steve. “He’s got choice and clothes in his bag. A tablet for cartoons. An I left both mine and Itsu’s numbers.”

“He’ll be fine, Logan.” Steve chuckles. “Never thought I’d see the day when Wolverine was a helicopter parent.”

“Watch it,” I growl. “Okay, Aki- I’m gonna go now.”

“Can I see the Hulk?” he asks innocently.

“Do _not_ let him bother Bruce,” I say tonelessly.

“Awh daddy.”

“He’ll be fine,” Steve repeats with a laugh. “Say bye to your daddy, little guy! We’re gonna spend the day doing Avenger stuff! Doesn’t that sound fun?”

“Can I play with killer robots?”

I see Steve’s smile falter.

“I uh... Gotta go. Love you son. Behave.” I squeeze out before Steve can change his mind.

 

**Steve’s POV**

I was honored that Logan trusted me to look after his son. Really honored that he would trust me like that.

As I’m holding the little guy's hand leading him through the tower- I have the realization that I haven’t really watched a kid in… a while. A long while.

“Can I play with the Hulk?” He asks.

“Uh no. Daddy said not to.”

“Can I play with Ultimate robot?”

“Who is-”

“Can I play with Hawkeye’s arrows?”  
“Wait-”

“ Can I try to lift Thor’s hammer?”

“Aki-”

“Can I try to climb up the side of the tower like Spider-man?”

“Now,”

“Can I play with Antman’s ants??”

“Akihiro- now- buddy, you’ve got to let me answer one question before you ask another one.” I try to say as gently as possible.

Akihiro looks up at me with large blue eyes. “Can I go see the Hulk?” he repeats.

“No,” I say somewhat flatly. “But you caaaaan… come watch TV! How about that? You like TV right?”

He nods enthusiastically.

I’ve still got it.

I breathe a sigh of relief, taking him through the large tower and into our living compartments- stopping in our ‘common space’

Nat and Tony are sitting on the couch.Both in their 'downtime' sweats. We've had a long and hard day today. I'm hoping Akihiro will notice that and behave.

“Nat, Tony,” I motion to Aki. “This is Akihiro. Logan’s boy. I’m watching him for the next few days. Akihiro, this is Natasha and Tony- Black Widow and Ironman- they’re Avengers too.”

Nat smiles and waves. “Hi, Akihiro.” She says sweetly.

“What’s wrong with your voice?” Aki asks.

She keeps her smile. “I’m Russian. I-”

“Is your hair really that red?”

“Uh-”

“Are you really a spider?”

“No-”

“Can you sting people?”

She bites her lip “N-”

“Are you poisonous?”

“Aki- one question at a time.” I laugh.

He looks up at me and nods.

“Looks a lot cuter than Logan.” Tony jokes, putting down the tablet in his hands. “How ya doin’ buddy?”

“I want to see the Hulk and ultimate robot,” he says.

“Ummm… Bruce isn’t here right now and we don't know who ultimate robot is.” Tony says. “I can take you to see other robots if you want though!”

Aki crosses his arms. “Yea okay.”

Nat walks away from the couch, brushing by me. “Good luck.” She whispers with a grin.

Aki walks further into the living room, looking around. Our tower has just been renovated so everything is chrome and glass and shining. The living room has about ten different couch and chairs to sit on- all fashioned around a large TV screen. “How many Avengers are there?” He asks.

“A few.” I watch him fondly. A child’s fascination is something to be nurtured. I’m so happy Logan is trusting me to help Aki’s grow.

“Steve you should get him something to eat,” Tony says, looking down at his phone. “It’s almost six.”

“Right.” I turn to him. “Did daddy feed you yet?”

“Nope.”

“What do you like to eat?”

“Ice cream!”

“Uh… that’s not really a food-”

“Ice cream!” he calls again.

“Aki that’s not a real food. That’s a dessert. How about some soup. Do you like soup?”

“No.”

“Do you like sandwiches?”

“No.” He crosses his arms.

“Howa bout-”

“ICE CREAM.”

“Now Akihiro,” I say gently, yet firmly, “You’ve got to eat actual-”

“I hate you!” he cries, yanking free from me and running down the hallway.

I stare at Tony dumbfounded. “What did I do?” I ask.

He’s laughing so hard he’s bent over. “You told a four-year-old he couldn’t have sugar. Watching you go down in flames,” He wipes a tear from his eyes, “Fabulous. Tremendous. I’d pay to see it again.” He grins. “In fact- I might pull the security footage and sell copies.”

“Very funny, Tony,” I say, unamused. “I think he’s a little nervous. He really wanted to go with his mother.”

“He’ll settle down,” Tony says, standing to his feet and putting his tablet on the coffee table in front of him.

“Akihiro?” I call out down the hall. “Where did you go to?”

There’s a crash from somewhere I can’t place.

“Akihiro?” I take a step closer to the sound of the noise.

Tony grabs my arm. “I got this,” he says.

“What are you going to do?”

He turns around and faces me while walking back down the hall, “I’m gonna level with him!” He laughs, turning around and heading toward the noise.

 

**Tony’s POV**

Steve really messed up when he thought he could take care of Logan’s kid. I mean seriously. He’s a mini Logan!

I follow the sounds of bangs and crashes into the kitchen leaning in the doorway and watching the little guy raiding our fridge.

“Hey there little dude.” I walk behind him and help him pull out the orange juice that he’s attempting to get. “Thirsty?”

“Let me do it.” He grunts.

“I got it already.” I take the OJ and take it the counter, getting him a cup and pouring him some.

He moves over from the fridge- holding his hands out for the small blue cup I’m holding. “Gimme.”

“Can I hear ‘please’?”I ask.

“Please gimme,” Aki says.

I’ll give him that one- at least he said ‘please’. I hand him the cup, which he takes with both of his little hands and starts drinking from like he’s a cat.

I stare for a long moment. “What are you doing, bud?”

He stops lapping the surface of the OJ. “Drinkin’.” 

“Uh huh. Why are you drinking like that?”

“I’m a cat.” He says.

“I see,” I say with a nod. “Well, what do you want for dinner, Mr. Cat?”

“Tuna.” He says.

See this is where Steve messed up. If you get the kid playing and you play along- he’ll do whatever you want him to.

“Like tuna fish?” I ask, going to the cabinet to the left of the stove where we keep our can goods.

“Yes.” He nods, continuing to lap up his Orange juice.

“Cool.” I take a can out and take it to he can opener, keeping him in my eyeline as much as possible. “So what do you like to do Aki?”

“Save the world!” he says.

“Me too.” I laugh. “I mean what do you like to do for fun?”

“I like… to play cat.” He says. “I’m good at it.”

“Yea?” I turn my attention back to making him some tuna fish. “And how do you play cat?”

There’s no answer.

“You don’t have to be quiet.” I’m trying to remember that recipe my maid used to make for me when I was a kid. “Aki?” I turn around to an Aki-less space and orange juice spilled all over the floor. “Aki???” I drop what I’m doing and run to the doorway of the kitchen. He’s gone. Not in the hallway- not in the kitchen… I walk back around, “Aki?” I call. “This isn’t funny! Come out!”

There’s no response.

I hear footsteps approaching and sigh with relief. “There you,” I turn around and see Steve. “Aren’t.”

“What’s going on?” He asks.

I wipe my face. “Aki’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Gone.” I nod.

“Tony you had him for five minutes!” he breathes.

“And you had him for three!” I snap. “Less yelling at me more finding the kid- got it??”

He glares at me but nods.

“You take the bedrooms- I’ll take the hallway outside the living compartments,” I say. “How far could he possibly have gotten??”

“You’re right,” Steve says. “You’re right- he’s small. He can’t be moving that quickly.”

“Right. So let’s keep our wits together and find the kid.” I say. “Got it?”

He nods and we start our search.

 

**Bruce’s POV**

Coming home a day early always feels good to me.

I enjoy being out on the road and with my fellow scientists and the conference- but I’m tired and like a break every now and again. It’s good for the nerves.

I walk from the garage to the tower- looking forward to getting in my bed and sleeping for a day or so.

In front of the garage is a little boy. Barely five- from the looks of it.

“Hey buddy.” I greet. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m a cat!” He says. “Cat’s run!”

“Uh huh. Where’s your daddy, Mr. Cat?”

“On a plane.” He says, licking his hand.

“You’re alone?”

He nods, big blue eyes taking me into consideration.

“Who are you?” He asks.

“My names Bruce. I uh... Live here.”

He nods. “What do you do?”

“I’m a superhero.”

“Why?”

“Becuase-”

“What are your powers?”

“Well, I have-”

“What’s your costume look like?”

“That’s a funny story actually-”

“What’s your superhero name?”

“Another funny-”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“What?”

“How old are you?”

“I’m-”

“How tall are you?”

“Wh-”

“What’s your shoe size?”

I’m starting to get more and more annoyed. “If you’d let me answer-”

“What’s your favorite song?” he asks, cocking his head to the side.

Anger is boiling within my veins and I am trying my best to control it.

“My favorite song is-”

“What’s your last name?”

“My name is-”

“What do you do for fun? Is that your car? I want a car. Where’d you get the car? I like cars. I like black cars. My daddy has a motorcycle. Wanna see a trick? I can do an awesome trick! I-”

“BE QUIET!” I yell- voice getting really loud.

“Oh my god!” I hear Tony cry. “There he is!” He runs up and grabs the little kid. “Bruce- let’s just take a big deep breath…” He says. “He’s just a kid… he’s four… he doesn’t know he’s bothering you.”

“Yes I do,” the kid says.

“Shush,” Tony whispers. “Bruce, this is Akihiro Howlett. Logan’s boy.”

Oh. I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry if I scared you Akihiro-”

“You didn’t,” he says simply. “Wanna play cats with me?”

“No, we’re going to let Bruce go to bed for a while,” Tony says. “And go finish our dinner- how’s that sound?”

“Yea okay.”

Tony nods to me and I follow the two of them up to the tower. We run into Steve as soon as we hit the door.

“Look who I found!” Tony says. “And look who he found.”

Steve closes his eyes and sighs. “Akihiro- you shouldn’t run away from grownups.” He says.

“I was with a grownup,” he says innocently.

“How long is he with us?” I ask.

“Three days,” Tony says. “You might want to hang out in your room.”

“Can I go see ultimate robot now?” Aki asks.

“Who?” I ask in confusion.

Tony and Steve shrug.

“Let’s go get you some-”

“OH look!” Aki runs to the side of the room. “Arrows!”

“Put those down!” Steve orders as Aki picks up three arrows and starts playing with them.

“So is he like this… always?” I ask.

“From what I can tell,” Tony says.

“Good god.” I turn to Steve. “What did you get us into?”

“What? He’s a little boy. Really- he’s a little hyper. How bad could this possibly be?”

Tony glares at him.

“What?”

“I’m just trying to say-”

“Put that down!!” Steve interrupts Tony.

“Ugh. Just get him to the kitchen.” Tony groans. “Oh and I gotta go get the mop.”

 

**Clint’s POV**

There’s been a lot of shouting today. Well- this evening. I’ve turned my hearing aids off to dull it. Yea - I know. Not the best of ideas but it’s what it takes to get some peace around her sometimes.

I put them back in and go to the kitchen to find a snack. It’s about nine PM and the tower seems pretty quiet.

I open the fridge and stare at its contents for a long minute.

I’m so focused that I’m confused when I feel something brushing up against my legs.

I turn to look and do an actual honest to god jump. There’s a kid! Standing on my feet- looking the fridge.

“Uh.. hi.”

Large blue eyes look up at me. “HI. Can I have milk?”

“Uh.. sure.” I take out the milk. “Back up so I can move.”

He graciously backs up. He's little thing, jet black hair down the center of his head with the sides shaved- looks like a little dude of style. He’s dressed in a pair of Spider-man pajamas.

I go to the cabinet and get him a glass, pouring some milk and handing to him. “Here ya go.”

“Thanks.” He takes the cup and sits it on the floor. Sitting down in front of it and bending over to drink out of it like a cat.

“Okayy….. Why are you doing that?”

“I’m a cat.” He says simply.

I put the milk back in the fridge. “Does anyone else know you’re here?”

He shrugs.

“How did you get in?”

“My daddy brought me.” he looks up at me. “Can I play with ultimate robot now?”

“Who?” I ask.

“Ultimate robot.”

“Yea… I don’t know who that is.”

He pouts and sticks his tongue back in the cup.

“What’s your name?” I ask.

“Aki.” He says. “What’s in your ears?”

“My hearing aids.”

“Why?”

“They help me hear.”

“Why?”

“Because I have a hard time hearing without them.” I turn to him again. “What are you doing here, Aki?”

“Right now? Trying to find ultimate robot,” he says.

“Yea… still, don’t know who that is.”

He shrugs.

“Who’s watching you?”

“You.”

“Me??”

He nods.

“No, no, no. Who was watching you before I showed up?”

“Uncle Steve.”

“Okay,” Now we’re moving in the right direction. “And does he know where you are now?”

He shakes his head.

“Cool- let’s go find-”

“NO!” He jumps up off the floor surprisingly fast- spilling milk everywhere and takes off.

“STEVE!” I call. “YOUR KID RAN AWAY!”

Steve comes down the hallway quickly. “Which way did he go?”

He looks… exhausted.

I point in the direction of Tony’s workshop.

“Oh no, no no.” Steve groans.

“What’s the deal- who’s kid is that?” I ask.

“Logan's kid. He has three missions, bother the Hulk- which he’s done partially- fight ultimate robot- who we don’t know- and drive me to the very brink of insanity!” He pauses in the door. “Why’d you spill milk on the floor?”

“Aki did it!” I say defensively.

“Well clean it up, Clint.” He says disapprovingly. “You’re an adult.”

“I didn’t-” I look up and he’s gone. “Oh hell.” I groan, going to the closet and getting the mop.

 

**Natasha’s POV**

“And I’m supposed to know what to do... Because I’m a woman?” I ask cooly.

“Yes,” Tony says before wincing. “No, no- I mean- yes- but no. Not in a sexist way.”

“I’ve never had children, Tony. I don’t know how to parent any more than you do.”

He rubs the back of his head.

“Look, Nat, we are at our wit's end. We can’t contain the kid. We can’t tell him what to do. And he. Doesn't. Get. TIRED.”

I sigh, putting my book down on the coffee table. “Where is he now?”

“Destroying my workshop!”

I nod, walking off from the frustrated man and to his large workspace- that’s emitting several pillars of smoke from several different places. “Little one?” I ask, stepping in the open door.

“Ultimate robot! Ultimate robot! Ultimate robot!” I hear a little voice chanting.

“Oh, little Aki…?” I call.

The chanting stops and I see a little face peer around a particularly destroyed robot.

“Hi, spider woman.”

“Blackwidow.” I correct. “And it’s a little late to be destroying Uncle Tony’s workshop- don’t you think?”

He moves around the open flame. “I’m looking for ultimate robot.” He says quietly. “Because I’m a superhero and it’s my mission to save the world.”

“We don’t know who ultimate robot is,” I say as sweetly as I can manage. “Can we give you another mission?”

“Ultimate robot was my mission.” He says, kicking his feet.

“What if we put your mission off until tomorrow?” I ask. “The world is safe tonight.”

He looks up at me. “Yea?”

I nod.

“Okay.” he holds his arms up to me and I lift him into mine, carrying him out of the workshop past Tony. “See?” I say, rocking him a little. “He can be reasoned with.”

“Like I didn’t try that.” The man sulks.

“Where is he sleeping?”

“We set him up a bed in Steve’s room,” Tony says. “Good luck getting him into it.”

Aki wraps my arms around my neck, fingers playing in my hair as I tote him to Steve’s room- where the man is sitting on his bed. “You got him to come to bed.” He sighs as I come in.

“And you seem to have lost him. Again.”I smirk. “Little one- your mission for tonight is to go to bed.” I pull back from him. “Do you accept your mission?”

He nods.

“Are you going to run?”

He nods.

I frown. “No- you’re not supposed to run.”

“I will not run.” He says.

“Good.” I smile, setting him down.

As soon as his feet touch the floor- he takes off running out the open door behind me.

I exhale slowly. “What just happened?”

“He played you. Just like he did everyone else.” Tony says from the doorway.

“We need a new plan of attack,” I say. “We need someone full of energy, immature, and willing to do containment. We need-” I stop.

“I’ll call him,” Tony says, turning around and leaving.

 

**Peter’s POV**

“So… you want me to contain Logan’s little boy?” I ask skeptically.

“Yes.” Tony sighs. “Please- please- PLEASE. We’ve tried everything.”

I walk into the living room. “And I had to be in costume for this?”

“Yep,” Steve says. “Apparently he’s a fan.” They close and lock the door behind me- several, several, several times with several different looks.

“Geesh. What is this- fort Knox?”

“You do not understand the night we’ve had,” Tony says- sounding exhausted. “Please. Just do your thing.”

“What thing?” I ask in confusion.

“Aki!” Steve calls. “We have someone who wants to meet you!”

There’s no response.

“Aki??” Steve moves further into the living compartments. “Come out!”

There’s a small sound of footsteps.

“It’s working,” Tony whispers.

“Aki- if you don’t come out he’ll go home!!” Steve calls.

There’s a small tugging on my leg, I try not to jump too much.

Beside me, there’s a little boy. Tiny little thing. Dressed in a cotton version of my costume.

“Hey little dude,” I say.

“HI!”

“Steve told me you weren’t going to bed.”

“I have to find ultimate robot- Spider-man.” He says. “I HAVE to.”

I bend down in front of him. “Why?”

“Because it’s my mission!” He groans.

“We don’t know who ultimate robot is,” Tony says quietly.

“Ultimate- oh. OH. Oh. You mean Ultron?” I ask tentatively.

“YES! ULTIMATE ROBOT!”

There’s a look of both understanding and unease on everyone’s faces.

“Ultron's not here- little dude,” I say with a laugh. “He’s gone. We beat him.”

“Oh.”

“Uh-hmm. So… can you go to sleep now?” I ask.

“I guess so.” He says before a little yawn.

“Yea- I think you can.” I pat his head. “Want me to read you a story?”

“Yes! A Spider-man story!”

“Sounds good to me!” I let him lead me down the hall, giving them a thumbs up as we go.

“Web his feet to the floor!” Tony calls after me.

“Tony!” Steve growls.

“What?” I hear the man say.

I spend a whole hour telling little Aki stories before he passes out and I tiptoe out of the room.

The rest of the Avengers are thoroughly exhausted and all pretty much passed out on the various couches.

“Don't know what the big deal was,” I say, crossing my arms. “Little dude only wanted a story.”

I receive a lot of glares.

“What’s the big deal?”

“Get out,” Tony growls.

“Tony-”

“GET OUT!” Several of the team yells in unison.

“Fine, fine, fine, geesh.” I go to the door and exit. “Don’t know what their deal is,” I mumble to myself, as I make my way to the balcony on the floor below this one and start my long swing home. “Really outta have hired a babysitter,” I grumble.“Earth’s mightiest heroes” taken out by a four-year-old."

How embarrassing.


End file.
